they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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