I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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