If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
