Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
