I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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