I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
