I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
