Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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