it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
