It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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