tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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