Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
