this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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