Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
