i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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