you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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