So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
