She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
