Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
