Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
