The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
