This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize