Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
