i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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