I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize