So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
