i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize