he thought i was a dude.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
