You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
