i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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