Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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