Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize