And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
