i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize