i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Hippo gnu deer
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
