I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Drunk is not a location!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize