Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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