i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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