i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
