Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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