Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
