I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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