I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
