I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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