All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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