thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
