It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize