I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
