you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
