i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
