Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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