well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
