dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
