you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
