I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
