I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
