Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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