Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
