he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
