It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
