Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
