I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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