i think my mom watched the whole time
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize