Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
