This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
