Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
