Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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