I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize