Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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